Favorite Christmas Song

I love Zee Avi's voice...this is by far my new favorite Christmas song.

Best $25 Dollars I've Ever Spent

My sewing machine from DI continues to be the best $25 I've ever spent. Yesterday, I put on my work out pants. I have no idea why I call them work out pants because we all know that me and "work out" are not on a first name basis. Anyway, I put them on and they are floods. They were about an inch too short to be long pants. I look ridiculous in them...curse my 34 inch inseam. I decided to try and alter them. I am usually pretty ambitious about my sewing skills but I actually managed to make some really cute capri style work out pants and both legs are the same length even! I even accomplished this with Luke sitting on my lap. I was so proud.

When Luke saw me put on my stretchy pants he wanted to put on his sweats that have had a little whole along the seam of one leg for a long time. So I sewed that as well. Then I remembered that the little pocket in my handbag has a hole in it too and all my lip glosses were getting stuck in between the lining and the purse so....you guessed it....I sewed that up too. I feel so very useful and so happy that I spent $25, at the DI, on a used sewing machine. Yea!

The best part for Luke is that he can wear the part I cut off my pants as a ninja headband....I think it is a very fetching look.

Obsessed

I am obsessed with this song and video. I was in Deseret Book and I was drawn to the CD Cover so I checked it out on YouTube and I fell in love with Mindy Gledhill's Voice. I cannot stop singing this song...Enjoy.

Claire's Latest Mischief

In my chronicle of Claire's never-ending mischief allow me to present

Exhibit A:

When I opened the van door it looked like a freakin oompa loompa had exploded on Claire. Somehow the little imp used a concealed contraband orange marker in the van. The window was also colored Orange. I just realized that I never cleaned that off. This picture also doesn't show that Claire had on a brand new pair of suede boots that she also drew all over in Orange. I wish I would have gotten a picture of putting her in the tub because it looked like I was dying an Easter egg.

I was on the computer and Claire came downstairs saying "uh, oh" and pointing upstairs...this is what I found Exhibit B:

At least this time it wasn't the cocoa powder on her white dress 10 minutes before church starts. Actually, this is one mess I do not mind cleaning up because it is like a chocolate cloud that smells and tastes wonderful while I'm sweeping it up! I guess I should be thankful that at least she comes and tells me she has made a mess.

An Ill-Fitting Sweater

You know after you have a baby how you go through this truly horrible stage when none of your old clothes fit and all your maternity clothes drown you. Some days you try just wearing the maternity pants with a cute top and then you have all these obvious bunches and sagging. You re-arrange your shirt/pants to try and make it look better. You look in the mirror....convinced that your body has betrayed you and that you'll never look normal again. Give it 6 months and a little hard work and you look just fine right? Ok, maybe 16 months.

That's how my life feels right now. Like an ill-fitting sweater. I see some things out of balance in my life so I pull on the right sleeve only to have the left sleeve way too short. The neckline droops in the front so I adjust it backward only to find out that my back is now cold because too much skin is showing and isn't a sweater supposed to keep you warm anyway?

I don't mean to be so cryptic it's just that sometimes I think in these visual ways and really they confuse even me. I'm plagued with self doubt. I can hardly pick out ornaments for my tree without second guessing myself. How many should I get? Could I get them cheaper somewhere else? Do I really need more or do I just want more? This is my internal dialogue and frankly it annoys me. Where has that confident girl gone who could conduct a meeting and have everyone listen? Where is that girl that could stand up to her boss and tell her with full confidence that she was wrong and win the boss's respect? Where is the girl that won debates and people were fighting to be in her study group?

I feel like every step I take or everything I say or every thought I have is wrong somehow. It's like trying to walk on a water bed. Every step feels shaky. I have so many things I want to do better but no matter how hard I try I always come up short. It's really not like me at all. I just read through this post to proof read it and I'm coming full circle thinking that just like your "normal, pre-baby" clothes eventually fit so will my life.

Thankful

With Thanksgiving Dinner now a fading memory and about a foot of snow out my window and a fabulous (if I do say so myself) Christmas tree upstairs; it feels weird to write my Thanksgiving/Gratitude post. I've gone back and forth about writing about what has gone on with Tim's health the last few months but since I use this blog as a journal I decided to finally write about it so I could remember.

Why does it always take something serious to really appreciate the people in our lives? In September, Tim went in for a routine physical that I scheduled for him. (annoyed that I had to!) I had felt like he should see a doctor for a while and when he finally went he called me and told me that his blood work was screwy. Then he told me that he was anemic....I thought, yea you and millions of pregnant women...not a big deal. As he explained to me more what the blood work showed and that it wasn't an iron deficiency and that his white blood cells and platelets were low as well I really became concerned. His primary care physician referred us to an oncologist and in the meantime Tim started getting really sick. He suffered weakness, shortness of breath, fevers and mind numbing fatigue. I started to get really worried when I found out that Tim was trying to hide how sick he really felt. I reasoned it must be bad it he doesn't want me to know. I was so sick with worry and the more time his spent in his bed the more I came to fully appreciate how much I needed him and depended on him.


The weeks that followed are some of the most stressful and wonderful weeks of my life. Going to an Oncologist is like the big league of doctor visits. Everyone talks to you in a compassionate way and they try to dispel your freak out session with soft words and no sudden movements. The nurse practitioner joked that she never says anything looks fine....always use words like normal. Tim and I just clasped each other's hands and kept saying I can't believe we are here. The oncologist told us that Tim's blood work looked bad and that to rule out the possibility of leukemia, Tim would need to have a bone marrow biopsy. While we knew the actual procedure, while painful, is not a big deal it was like awaiting a death sentence. He had his first one in a hospital and it took a lot of time to have it done. It had to be done in their MRI department and while I was sitting in the hospital room they called a code blue in MRI. Which any TV show tells you is a cardiac arrest. I knew it was being called on my Timmy! I've never prayed so hard in all my life. I felt physically ill and lightheaded. When the nurse brought Tim back in about 10 million hours later I discovered that the pain meds had made Tim's already low blood pressure drop and that they had called a code blue on him but it wasn't a cardiac arrest or even needed. It was a scare of a life-time. He looked so pale and small when she brought him back and I felt like my very young and vibrant husband was disappearing before my eyes. Then we waited for the results and yea the hospital screwed up and didn't take enough marrow.

He had his second bone marrow biopsy in the doctor's office and I was allowed to watch as long as I stayed seated. She said that was the policy because she couldn't leave Tim to help me if I passed out. I thought, Oh lady...chill....I'm fine with blood but I did as I was told and about half way through I was so glad that was the policy! I think I'm beginning to understand how hard it must be for our sweet husbands to watch us give birth. I'm not a squeamish person but I could not stand the sight of his precious blood in the huge syringe and I would have traded places with him when I heard him holding his breath in pain while she stuck him repeatedly with the world's largest needle. By this time Tim was starting to feel better overall. He had more strength and no more fevers and I was starting to feel really hopeful. The oncologist called a few days later and said he did not have Leukemia and I've never felt more joy in all my life. My happiness was as intense as the stress and worry and almost as numbing. They will be monitoring Tim's blood over the next couple of months to see what it does. When Tim went for his follow-up last week the oncologist told Tim how impressed he was that we were so calm on our first visit. (really fooled that sucker because I was anything but calm) He also told Tim how worried he was about him on that first visit and that he really thought that Tim had Leukemia in the beginning. Just thinking that makes me weepy again.

From this experience I've learned not to take for granted the little things. I'm thankful every time I see Tim carry Claire up the stairs and he doesn't get wheezy or hold onto something to steady himself. I'm thankful every time he chases the kids down the hall and I hear him laughing. I'm thankful that his skin doesn't look sickly anymore. I'm thankful that he can shovel the driveway. I'm thankful when Gage says that Tim is his best friend. He is certainly mine.

I believe in miracles and I believe we got one. I'm so thankful for our family and friends who prayed for us, gave priesthood blessings, and gave us support. How do you even go about thanking the Lord for the life of one of the people you love the most? But then I think, shouldn't I have already been doing that....every day?

Halloween

Halloween celebrations began on Thursday this year when Luke had a preschool parade that was so cute. They walked up the street in front of his teacher's house playing musical instruments. It was adorable. Luke could not decide on a costume and he kept saying I'd see what he was. That doesn't exactly work because I kinda need to know so I can buy/make the costume. On the day of the parade I took him to the dress-up closet and gave him the choices. He chose a wonderful Jedi costume that Tim's mom made for Gage a couple of years ago.

Gage's parade was not as awesome and it broke my heart. All the boys in his class are into Ninjas and so is Gage. So we got the Ninja costume. I was sensing a real fitting in moment for him. Gage loves costumes as this blog can verify. I lovingly packed his bag with the costume to change into at school. When I got to the parade this is what I saw....

...When I should have seen this....

It turns out that the boy that is standing in front of him, at the parade, got into Gage's backpack and stole his ninja mask and wore it under his own mask. Gage was so sad that he didn't have his mask and it kinda ruined the parade for him. I felt sick about it. I threw it down with his teacher and I felt like she and the principal handled it well. But it was a lost moment.

It was just an off year for us. The kids look forward each year to trick or treating at Tim's work and this year we had to miss it because Tim was having a bone marrow biopsy. Halloween was celebrated, in these parts, on Saturday and about the time the kids were getting excited to head out trick or treating it started to rain and rain and then pour. The rain stopped about an hour later and the kids were able to go around the neighborhood. It is fun how many people trick or treat in this neighborhood. There was a steady stream of kids on the sidewalk. I loved it! Claire didn't quite catch on to trick or treating. She refused to put candy in her bucket and wanted to carry it in each hand. It limited the amount of candy she got. I did hear a lot of "ohhh's" and "ahhh's."

On Sunday my sister, who loves all things Halloween, had us over for a Halloween dinner. The Halloween Hag also came and left presents for the kids. The kids had a great time and so did I!

Aunts and Uncles

Last month, my brothers and sister flew into town for my Grandma's funeral. It was a lot of fun to see my siblings. The only thing better would have been if their spouses and kids came too. I caught a few pictures of Claire getting what she wants from the Aunts and Uncles. It looks like they are sufficiently wrapped wouldn't you say?

Nate, I didn't get a pic of you holding Claire although I know she sat on your lap for a long time. I did, however, find the nice picture you took of the inside of your nose. Very creative.

Looking at these pictures makes me want to curse our modern lifestyle that makes these moments so far a few between.

Thanks For Everything

Luke woke up not feeling well this morning. It was hard for me to determine what was wrong but I could definitely tell he didn't feel well. Luke doesn't make a whole lot of sense when he talks and it went from his ankle hurt to the front of his head to his stomach. On the way home from dropping off Gage at school he started crying and say, "Oh why did this happen to me?" It was really quite pitiful. Poor laddie. I looked in the backseat and he had thrown-up all over. By the time we got home he was still crying and questioning the universe about why our stomach's rebel against us. I got him and the backseat all cleaned up and out of the shower and I was putting lotion on him and he was saying again that he didn't know why he did that. I said, "Honey, it's ok. We got you all cleaned up and you get to stay in your P.J.s all day and watch movies." He thought that sounded pretty good and then he said so sincerely, "Thanks mom....for everything." He is so endearing when he does things like that. He is so sweet that it makes my heart hurt. My mom was cleaning out some old pictures and she had one of Luke that I had taken when he was less than 2 months old and it literally hurt to look at it. I just want him to stay my sweet baby forever. Luke says he can't do that because he is going to grow really big and be super duper strong.

I'm Frazzeled

I'm sitting here in my p.j.'s and my hair is sticking out of my pony tail and I can't believe that it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I still look and smell like this. I woke up late this morning and that never bodes well for the chances of a shower. Since I awakened I have been running from one Claire mess to the next. I was going to say that my boys were never as mischievous as her but we'd both know that was a lie. What the boys did have in their favor was that our house was roughly the size of a shoe box, when they were at this stage, and I was usually within striking distance when I saw trouble arise. In this house that is impossible and once one mess is cleaned up she has created, one, two, sometimes three more. I know this will all be funny in 10 years so I'm going to record it like it's funny right now. Here is the sequence of naughty events just in the last 5 hours.

• First, the wrestling match that is getting her dressed. Lots of screaming, arching of backs and a thin sheen of sweat on my brow. (possibly contributing to my odor)

• Claire has mastered the stairs so after I got Luke dressed she was missing and I went down stairs to find her cheeks looking rather full. I put my hand under her mouth and said, "spit 'em out!" Six Lego helmets with a spittle of spit came out one at a time. Not until I said, "all of them." did she spit out the seventh.

• It was at this point that I realized the bow that I had fought tooth and nail was out of her hair only to be found later in the trash can.

• By this time I tried locking her upstairs while I put in a load of laundry. When I started up the stairs I saw that she had the last tampon in a once full box that had fallen prey to her inspection. They really can't taste that good. But to Claire they must taste like eclairs because it was a box of 36 and they are gone.

• I was hungry at this point and I was trying to shove the last apple slice, that didn't make it into Tim or Gage's lunch, into my mouth when I looked over and saw that Claire was simultaneously blue, red, and yellow around her mouth. I ran over and found that she was holding 4 gigantic gumballs in her hands. This time I skipped asking her to spit them out and resorted to the mouth sweep and was rewarded with 5 gum balls and a gagging sound. These gumballs were a prized possession of Luke's that he only just received last night at our family Halloween party. Luke frantically searched for a lone survivor....the purple gum ball...to no avail.

• I wanted to get something into the crock pot for dinner and I thought it was best to put Claire in the high chair. She doesn't much like the high chair. First I had to chase her down amidst her screams and yelling, "no!" before I finally got her anywhere near the high chair. She is the master of locking her knees and arching her back when I'm trying to force her into the high chair. I finally won the struggle and once she knows she is stuck is as happy as a clam.

• After I got dinner in I went downstairs to switch the laundry. While I was doing that I heard something hit the floor above me. This time as I was heading up the stairs I realized that Claire has figured out how the boys get around the gate at the top of the stairs and that 3/4 of her body was through the slates in the banister. I caught her in the nick of time. I later discovered the thud was from her bow jar that she had managed to pull off her dresser and scattered every bow, clip and elastic around her already messy room.

• I attempted some damage control at this point and got out puzzles for Luke. He nearly had one finished when the human wrecking machine came and scattered the pieces at which point Luke declared, "Claire ruins everything." I uncharitably agreed.

I'm tried just thinking about it. 3:00 will be here before I know it. I better get a shower.

I Heart The Fall

Is there anything more beautiful than the fall leaves? Is there anything more beautiful than a picture that makes you hear children's laughter? I don't think there is.

Dreaming of Disney

I was eating lunch today and looking out my patio doors and admiring the beautiful view when it hit me that the mountain I can see out my window looks like the Matterhorn at Disney. I really want to find myself in Disneyland soon. For now this picture will have to do.

Grandma Charlotte

Last week my mom's mom passed away at age 96. The funeral was yesterday and left me with all these feelings I want to say about my extraordinary Grandmother. One of my mom's neighbors came to the viewing and I told her that Grandma was an amazing woman and if I could live to be 1/10 of who she was I would consider my life a success. The lady very bluntly, not rudely or anything, asked me what was so great about her and I felt like I could have gone on for hours.

Grandma has been such a source of warmth, love, strength, wisdom and laughter in my life that I feel like the sun has not shined as brightly since she passed. She was the most organized woman on the planet and wrote her posterity books about her life, joke books, and books about her parents life. When I say book I mean it....they are several 100 pages long. Some life histories can be as boring as cold tar but her books are hilarious. I've been reading them to Tim in bed and we have just laughed and laughed. She never thought about herself and she sincerely cared for, served, and expressed her love to ALL those around her. She really did look at the heart of a person. At the luncheon, after her funeral, some random person came into the church and started eating the food. She was in street clothes and carried a backpack and she piled her plate high. I leaned over to my mom and said, "Do you know who that is?" No one knew who she was and I was starting to get worked up and said, "Well we should tell her get out of here!" My mom softly said, "Oh no, Mother would have loved that....helping someone who needed it." I have a long way to go to be even a 1/10 as good as Grandma or my own mom.

When I think about all she has seen in her lifetime it truly humbles me. When I think about all she accomplished when she and my Grandpa had such limited means in makes me want to cry. When I think how positive she was up until her last breath it fills me with awe. I love her because she chose to laugh instead of cry. Oh how she made me laugh. I love that she called herself the "damn-it grandma." I love her because she wrote beautiful poetry and because she always had something witty to say. The night I went to say goodbye to her I copied down two quotes she had on her refrigerator the last one was read at the funeral. All are so much like grandma.

"Remember....Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car."

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

"Swearing is the expression of a weak mind to forcefully express itself." Written in her handwriting underneath this quote was the following: "This is what is wrong with me....I have a weak mind!"

For once in my life I don't feel like I have enough words. How to express what a special woman she was or how I felt about her? But, whenever I see a rose or a beautiful garden I will think of her soft hands with all their age spots that were as capable as a man's but as tender as a mother's. Whenever I hear a bird singing sweetly in the trees, especially a hummingbird, I'll stop and watch it and remember that Grandma appreciated the simple things in life. Whenever I wear the color purple I will think of how it was her favorite color and how pretty her white hair looked when she wore it. When my kids are old enough to go toilet papering I'll go along in honor of all the friends and neighbors that grandma toilet papered in her life. When things get hard I will remember her and that she told me to say my prayers and to keep my sense of humor. I was so blessed to know her and honored to call her Grandmother.

The Two H's....Head and Hair

Claire got her first haircut last week. She was beginning to resemble Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. Not his face or anything. Just the bottom of her hair was much longer and wispy compared to the thick growth on top. For some reason it made me think of him. It sounds really weird now that I say it. Anyway, we went to the salon where I get my hair cut and Claire loved it! She let Holly blow dry her hair and round brush it. She looked down when Holly asked her to. It was pretty adorable and very girly. I have so much fun doing girly things with Claire. I'm really thankful I got me a girl.

I've tried to get a picture of the finished product about 100 times but the second Claire sees the camera she puts her face close enough to lick the lens and yells, "Cheese." Not very flattering. This is as close as I have gotten. You'll just have to trust me that it is a cute bob. Very un-Gollum like.

Claire also went to the neurosurgeon again this month. Her poor head just continues to get bigger. He had her go right over to radiology for a CT Scan, where they strapped her down by her forehead, arms, and legs. She hates to be restrained and she cried so bitterly. I am such a wimp, but I could hardly take her looking at me like I had betrayed her. I was trying so hard to help her be still and I was blowing bubbles like nobody's business but nothing really helped. I didn't have to wait for the results as we were able to go right back to the doctor's office and he says she has quite a bit of fluid around her brain and that her ventricles are bigger than they should be but that he doesn't think surgery is appropriate quite yet. So another 6 months of watching her head grow. Another 6 months of watching her fall and hearing her head hit whatever surface she has the misfortune of losing her balance on. I feel like I can't hear that sound one more time and seeing the little bruise forming on her forehead. I know toddlers fall a lot but she falls sometimes 5 times every hour. Her nose has bled several times from her landing on it until I'm sure one day I'm going to pick her up and that will be the time it is broken. She is pretty tough though. She never cries that much after a fall. Even when blood is getting all over. Not helping the situation is that she has suddenly decided to become a climber. I always rejoiced that my boys never tried to crawl up things but of course the child that is horribly top heavy has decided that crawling up things is her calling. Someone notify that Murphy guy.

There is more than fluid in Claire head though. She is one smart cookie. She is saying all sorts of fun words. And one day she started singing the ABC's. Granted it is more the tune and the only letters that are very clear are EFG but the kid is 15 months old so I'm feeling pretty good about things. I got this video of it. It isn't her best but it gives you an idea of what it sounds like and at the end you will see that the big head wins every time. Poor thing.

Luke's First Day Of Preschool

Just when I was getting used to having Gage gone; now I have to send my baby boy to preschool. I don't think I can take much more. Luke wasn't really thrilled with the idea of preschool until he met his teacher and then he was ok with going. When I dropped him off he marched right in like it was no big deal. He was talking a mile a minute in true Luke fashion and I couldn't help but notice all the other children were mute. I cried all the way home and then I shook it off. When I picked him up he ran out to the car, so proud to show me his balloon and a picture he had colored. He said, "Mom, I'm going to tell you all about it!" This is what he had to report:

You have to be quiet at school. (I bet that instruction was given 30 seconds after I left....such a talker)

Boys talk to boys and girls talk to girls. Luke has instructed I should stop talking to Tim.

Other than that he hunted Joker all day at school.

After we got home Luke called Tim to tell him all about it and Tim thinks he already seems more grown up. To which I say....booo!! No more growing up. He certainly did seem very independent. I had to laugh because I have had some ABC cards hanging in my kitchen for about 6 months. Each day at lunch I have talked about the letter and tested to see if Luke knew the letter from the day before. We have had the card with the Alligator and the Big A up for all of those 6 months. Some days he would say, "I don't know what letter that is." Or that's a Joker or a flower or some other non-sense. Well today during lunch before I even asked, he looked up at the card and said, "That's A for Alligator." Do you think he has been pretending all this time not to know or does one day of preschool help a person that much?

Here's the big boy getting ready for his back to school blessing. Such a sweety I could eat him up!

Little OLD Me

Today I'm sitting on the wrong side of 30. This week I will turn 31. What is this world coming to? I remember when I was a young woman and I thought 30 was ancient. What was the point of living at 30? Now I am 3o...ahem 31 and I still feel so young and stupid for lack of a better word and then I got my new calling to work with the Young Women and that makes me feel stupid and old and young all at the same time. When we go to activities I have to mentally shake myself that I'm not a Young Woman anymore....I'm a leader who sits on the boat while the girls have fun. It was just not that long ago. So weird.

Moments that make me feel young are when I go out in public with my kids and people openly stare and say things like, "All of these kids are yours....you look too young." Those are the good moments. Or like the older moms over at the school who have one child and they had that child at like 40 and they look at me like snakes are coming out of my ears when they see me show up for school with Claire on my hip, Luke holding my right hand and Gage leading the way.

Then there are moments that make me feel oh so old. Since working with the Young Women I've tried to start listening to their music. They listen to hip hop. Is that what it is called? I'm a guitar girl. I like anything that has a guitar in it, preferably acoustic guitar. That includes folk, classic rock, (that means the 60's and 70's people.....think Led Zeppelin) sometimes country, alternative. (I'm a child of the 90's...Long live Kurt Cobain...need I say more?) Stuff with a synthesizer...not for me. Rap? I always think it's trashy because in my Jr. High the kids that liked rap went to Granite High (eek) the kids that liked alternative went to Olympus High. (cool) I want the YW to think I'm cool so I started listening to 107.9FM. I can dig a lot of what I hear. I even like M & M. But I felt so freaking old when I was listening to this station in the swagger wagon and I suddenly pulled over because I thought an emergency vehicle was behind me only to find out that it was just a random siren in the song. How old and backward is that? My cheeks are burning just thinking about it.

Then there are the girls who inform you so bluntly that Mini-Vans are so lame and that she will never be caught dead driving one. I just smile and think, "Yeah, I said the same thing. Granted not so rudely to my leaders face, but take a good look at me now girly!"

A few weeks ago I got together with some friends from my old neighborhood. Blessed event by the way. Some of the girls that still live in the old hood were telling us the goings on and they mentioned all the new young families that are moving in, and I thought, wait we are the young families. But they meant the young families who have been married for like 3 years and just had their first child. Oh, that's not us anymore. They were commenting that the young families aren't interested in hanging out with them because the are too old with their elementary aged children. I took total offense on their behalf until they reminded me of the Postma's. The Postmas were a totally normal and cute family that lived in the ward when I moved in with just Gage and 4 years of marriage under my belt and I didn't want to hang out with them either because she had a 2nd grader and kindergartener. Well you know what they say about Karma? Well....they say it isn't good! Old.

A moment that is old but in a good way is getting to say Mrs. Entering the elementary world is entering the Mrs. and Mr. world. Every time I say Mrs. Wright I feel like a four year old wearing her mothers heels and long peal necklace with a smudge of lipstick on her face. But I love it at the same time. I love signing notes as Mrs. Wright. Instead of my causal Jess. Gage was slated to be in a 1st and 2nd grade split this year and when I met his teacher and the other students I just knew it wasn't for him. So, on the day before school officially started I called up the principal ready for battle. I loved the power that came from saying, "This is Mrs. Wright and I have a problem with my child's class!" I'm sure I owe it all to the usage of Mrs. that she consented to have him moved into another class at such a late hour. Heeehee.

Here is the last picture to be taken of me as a 30 year old. Yes, I took it myself because I was too embarassed to ask Tim. Yes, my eyes are red because I got Claire's 6:30am wake up call. Yes that is a pimple on my upper lip. I guess I'm not as old as I thought.

Wheels...

My kids seems to master their physical bodies slower than other children. It's either that or my friend's kids master their bodies early. Dylan crawling at like 4 months and Mason riding a two-wheeler at 3 comes to mind. I try not to compare my kids to other kids, but I worry. Because I excel at worrying. But one nice thing about worrying about your kids milestones is that they eventually happen and then I get this burst of, "Yay, that's what I'm talking about."

We had a few of those moments this week. On my goals for summer I put Gage learning to ride a two-wheeler and Luke learning to ride his tricycle at the top of the list. This summer has been hectic to say the least and it just hasn't happened. Luke could pedal pretty well but steering seemed to elude him. Gage was resistant to taking the training wheels off. Well, two days before school started Tim took the training wheels off and frankly Gage seemed a hopeless case. Luke kept saying, "I don't want to ride my bike." Insert whining voice. I got so frustrated and I said to to Tim, "Why don't our children like to do the things other children seem to love?" My neighbor told me to take him to the church parking lot and so I did. It went ok. Luke didn't really need to steer and he mostly just had fun letting Claire push him on his bike. Gage seemed to have no balance at all. He got it for a few seconds before a huge storm came up and we had to abandon ship.

The next day was the night before school started and Family Home Evening. I suggested we go to the church again to practice. I feel like the whole running behind the bike is the Dad's job and Tim was up to the task. We had been at the church for literally 20 seconds and I can see Gage is getting close. I forgot the camera of course. I went home to grab it and when I pulled into the parking lot I have never seen such a look of fatherly pride on Tim's face. He looked seconds away from pounding his chest and pointing at Gage and saying, "Look! Look what I have created." I'll be danged if Gage wasn't riding all around by himself. He was so excited to show me. You'd think I'd learn that this is how Gage operates. He doesn't do something until I'm sure the kid is delayed and then boom one day he just sets his mind to it and he does it. Crawling, walking, swimming, going down the slide, the scooter....it's all been like that.

We had a double header that night because Luke suddenly decided that riding a bike was pretty fun and steering: no big deal. He was zooming all around singing songs from Cars one minute and making bat-mobile noises the next.

See? All that worrying for nothing. It was a great way to officially end our summer and accomplish one last goal.

Confessions of a 1st Graders Mom and Brother

Well, we have officially survived Gage's first week of 1st grade. As you can tell Gage is just thrilled to have his picture taken to document the first day. I know other people have all day Kindergarten so I guess I should just count myself lucky that I got to put off this inevitability for one extra year.

Confession # 1: I cried every day I dropped him off.

Confession # 2: I have really enjoyed the quiet while Luke and Claire both took naps and I love the routine.

Confession # 3: I look at his schedule multiple times a day to figure out what he is doing.

Confession # 4: I have written him a love note on his napkin everyday and he loves it and I love that he loves it.

Confession # 5: When his eyes fill up with tears and he says he is going to miss me as he is getting out of the car; it is all I can do to smile and not whisk him away and not let him see me cry.

Confession # 6: I can see him changing with each day and I'm equal parts excited and sad.

Confession # 7: I get excited each time it is time to go pick him up.

Confession # 8: I know he loves school and is so ready to learn that I will not let one mist of tears cover my eyes next week!

Since Luke can't make his confessions I will have to make him for him....

Confession # 1: Luke absolutely loved not having to compete with his brother on the first day of school. He ate it up.

Confession # 2: Luke loves that Gage isn't around to watch his toys so he gets to play with them.

Confession # 3: Luke loves that now he can pester the living crap out of his little sister.

Confession # 4: Luke loves being the "big brother" for 7 hours a day.

Confession # 5: All the previous confessions wore out their welcome by the second day and he misses his brother dearly.

Watching the boys' reunion each day really warms my heart. They are so excited to play together that they don't fight at all. Luke says multiple times a day, "I wonder what my Gagey is doing at school right now?" The first trip we took sans Gage I said, "Ok, Guys lets get out of the car." Luke took deep offense at this and informed me I am not to say guys any more because Gagey is at school. By the third day, Luke's little mournful voice came from the back seat, "I really wish I could go to school with Gage."

Gage is in love with 1st grade. He loves being with his peers. He loves learning. He loves having two recesses a day and that he gets to eat lunch at school. I love hearing stories from his day that make me proud of him. Today he told me he shared his "sneaky snack" with his friend because he didn't have one. He hopes I don't mind. By the way, a sneaky snack is a snack they encourage the kids to eat at their first recess so they won't get too hungry before lunch.

On the first day he told me about his friend Joel, who he knew from Kindergarten, who was crying because he missed his mom. I asked what the teacher did and Gage said Joel was hiding it from his teacher so Gage went to Joel and asked him if he went to church. Well Joel doesn't go to church and Gage was going to suggest that he pray, "but since he didn't know how I did it for him and he stopped crying!" Such is the faith of Gage. That kid says 1 million prayers a day and they all seem to be answered just how he wants.

Luke and I? We think he is one special 1st grader.

Walking About

I know I chose a way weird picture to post about Claire's walking but it is impossible to get a picture of that girl while she is walking. She is so fast and the instant she sees the camera she gives her fake smile and says, "Cheese." I've been trying to get a video of that because it is adorable but I have been unsuccessful. This picture does however show case my pride that her hair is now long enough to fit into bows and side ponies. I love it! I love doing her hair and how she just sits there and lets me and looks at me so innocently when I'm done as if to say, "How do I look?" I love seeing her short pudgy arm reach up to feel the bow and hearing her say "priddy." Ok, I'm realizing I'm having an ADD moment. Sorry.

Yesterday, Claire got up the never to let go of the furniture and walk! I love the drunken toddler walk. She is so proud of herself. She still holds on quite a bit as she is head heavy but when she is comfortable with the surroundings, like at home, she is a walker! And I thought she'd never walk.

Saving Grace

As per my last post I'm so sad my kids are starting school but my saving grace is that the very same week one of my favorite books is coming out. If you were here...you would see me wiggling in my chair and squealing like an 11 year old girl. I have to be honest and tell you I'm a little nervous for this book. I think it is so easy to screw up the last book in a series. I liked Catching Fire but I found it to be a bit samey and I'm really hoping she can keep it together for this last book. It is strange to have a book that I'm looking forward to, but also Tim, my brother Nate, my sister Pam (if you know me and my siblings you will find this very odd indeed), and our friend Wes. Not to mention a host of my other friends. I just picked out the oddest combination to highlight that you can't predict who will like this book. Ahh, I really can't wait.

That Nuerotic Time Of Year

I promise to keep this year's neurosis, about losing my kids to school, to a minimum. I registered Gage for first grade today and Luke's preschool teacher came to our house to meet him. Miss Chris was adorable by the way and she totally caught Luke's interest with the sea shells she brought. His interest in attending school went from a 1 to 5 on a scale of 10. Gage told Tim that he thought Miss Chris was much nicer than his kindergarten teacher and that he wished Miss Chris was his teacher. Should a be a good year for Luke. It is just so hard to believe that my Gage will be gone ALL day in a few weeks and that Luke will leave the nest for 6 hours a week. I feel like I just got used to taking care of all three kids and now they are leaving me. It fills me sadness and yet I'm excited about going grocery shopping with just one or possibly two kids. I'm excited for the new art projects and for the wonder of watching my child grow and learn. When Gage leaves me a note and I can read it I just stare in wonder that he can do it and I'm in danger of turning into a pack rat thinking how precious it is and wanting to keep it. Each time Luke remembers a letter or sings his ABC's I want to record it in my memory and think about how 4 short years ago he was just a blob of cells with a heart beat. I'm consoling myself that Luke will only be gone for 6 short hours a week and will still mostly be mine and that I "lost" Gage to the public school system last year. I'm not feeling as neurotic as last year but I'm also not riding the postpartum hormones this year either.

Gage Fought The Fridge...

And the....Fridge Won!

I don't know if you can tell from this picture but Gage's face is hamburger after he tripped on air and face planted on the side of our refrigerator. He had an awesome black eye and his face was multicolored for a long time. My nieces are visiting from Portland and they got a big kick out of me singing, "Gage fought the fridge and the fridge won!" To the tune of the song, I Fought the Law. Poor Grandma Burt was here visiting on her first outing after her radiation and she was the only and first witness to the battle of the fridge. I felt so bad that she was trying to take care of Gage while she was feeling so poorly.

Gage is Six

Gage turned Six years old this week and it literally hurts my heart to think about it. He has really changed the last few months. I can tell that he senses that he isn't a baby anymore. He gets dressed up in costumes and he likes it but then he almost looks at himself like, "What am I doing? This used to be so fun. Now not so much." Then he changes into his regular clothes and I can see written on his face that he isn't sure what to do with himself. Anyone who has raised a child past six....I could really use your input on where we go from here. He looks so tall and lean to me and his face is loosing its baby roundness. I can hardly think about the new school year and that it will mean Gage being at school all day long. What fun adventures lie ahead? Who knows, they will come whether I worry about them or not I suppose.

On his birthday we had a big birthday party. I've only had one other formal birthday party for him and that was for his 4th birthday. I just looked up the post from that and at the end I wrote that I had learned that 11 kids for 2 hours was too much. Apparently, I only learned half of that lesson because I invited 18 kids to his party and 19 came. (don't ask about the fuzzy math) I did however only have the party for 1 1/2 hours. Which meant by the time they all left it was two hours. 19 kids is as crazy as it sounds. By that I mean Crazy Fun!

A few months ago Gage saw an advertisement in a magazine for a company that brings live reptiles for a show with handling at the end. He was in love with the idea and despite my hopes that he would forget, he didn't and I booked a show. The trainer brought, 4 snakes, a taranchula, a scorpion, and 2 lizards. The kids got a chance to hold them all after the show.



The kids loved the show. There were tons of screams and then as they warmed up they slowly all wanted to touch and hold the reptiles. Me and Luke took a very reserved approach. Once Luke stopped running down the hall, he patted this Burmese Python and that was about it. I fully freaked out when I was holding the red snake "Slice" and he kept putting his tongue on my arm. I practically threw Slice at Tim. Tim somehow managed to hold onto Slice and help carry the Python. So sorry. Can't help ya there.

Allow me to introduce you to Sausage. Gage dropped Sausage during the show and screamed like a girl after the trainer was telling this intense story about how these lizards protect themselves and then he screamed unexpectedly. We all screamed too and Gage just threw both hands in the air and let Sausage fall where he may. I felt bad for Sausage. But really, you can't startle someone while they are holding a wild animal. The dude is six!

After the show we barely had time to open presents and eat some cake. I didn't see Gage open one gift because of the swarm of kids saying, "Open mine!" And after the reptile show I had no semblance of control. So I got to see what he got after they all left. I made this cake. It looked better on the recipe. I'm no Cake Boss. I thought it looked cute though.

Thanks to some generous neighbors, and their vast supply of party supplies, I turned the house into a jungle. I stayed up until 12 am the night before to decorate the house and the cake. Right when I was about to call it a night Gage woke up needing a drink of water and he was so excited to see all the decorations. It was really fun to see his anticipation. It was a great birthday for a great kid.

I love you Gage!

Overall, Not a Good Week for Luke

This past week has been so crazy I hardly know where to begin. It seems I have life finally figured out with the three kids until I add a new activity or chore. This week was Gage's birthday and I had a party. More to come on that later but it is beyond me how one little party can make my life feel so chaotic.

First in a line of accidents, Luke fell in the pool at his swimming lessons and scraped his forehead. It has a nasty scab (which by the way isn't scab the grossest word ever?) and he informs me that it is his brain.

The next day at swimming lessons I see him in a train of kids holding onto flotation devices going out into the deep end. I was a little nervous because they had combined a few classes and I said to my friend that it was way to many kids to have out in the deep end together. I was watching him like a hawk and sure enough right as he gets to the edge his grip slips and I see my little Luke's head go under the water. Luke is deathly afraid of getting his face wet. Even after two rounds of swimming lessons. His teacher has turned her back to help another child. I ran to the edge and almost jumped in but then I realized I'm not a good swimmer so I probably won't get their in time. I half way run around but that seems too far too. I decide again I should just jump in when his teacher finally noticed him. All this probably only took about 15 seconds. But I had so much adrenaline I thought I was going to throw up. Poor Luke. He told his dad that night that he sunk and almost died. His teacher asked me after the lesson was over if I saw what happened. And I gave her a piece of my mind. She apologized about 100 times and said it wouldn't happen again. It better not girly.

The next day we went to the party store to buy stuff for Gage's party and Luke was running toward me and his shoe scuffed on the carpet and he went down. Boom. He didn't even get his arms out and he landed smack on his face. His nose started gushing blood everywhere. I really appreciated all the people who asked if they could help while they looked disgusted and moved away from us. Such a big help.

The next day, Luke hit the very same nose on the tramp and again blood everywhere. By Thursday, Luke looked like he had been in a street fight. His nose was slightly swollen, his brain scab was as crusty as ever and his eyes had purple smudges under them. He didn't look himself.

Then came the grand finale. I put firework snakes in the goodie bags I gave Gage's friends for his party. Luke was so excited to get not only an invitation to Gage's party but also a goodie bag. I was taking down decorations when Tim said, "Man, Luke ate something blue!" I looked up sharply to see Luke holding the goodie bag. The only thing edible in that bag was bubble gum which is pink and microwave popcorn which we had not popped. I ran frantically over to Luke and started yelling, "spit it out, spit it out!!" Out came five little pellets that I instantly knew were fireworks. Great! I went over to the other boxes and in bold letters it says, "DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH." After I assured myself that each box only held five pellets I made that fun call to poison control. You gotta love it when they call you by name because they have you on file from the last time Luke ate something he wasn't supposed to. Well, I found out that they have Arsenic and Nitrates and a host of other things that could kill my Lukey. Since he didn't swallow a whole pellet I was just supposed to watch him and make sure he didn't turn blue or throw-up.

I don't think anything happened on Friday or Saturday so maybe Luke will live to see his own birthday?

What Is It About These Green Boots?

Recently, Luke discovered these green boots, in my stored clothes, that Gage wore when he was Luke's age. Both boys have loved these boots. Gage wore them everyday for year. Although never with his swimming suit. That is quite the look that Luke has going on. It is the best $14.50 I have ever spent at Old Navy.

No More Stop Light Room

For over a month I've been working on re-decorating my master bedroom. If you'll remember that room was called the stop-light room. It got that name because the walls were yellow and green and had red curtains of all things at the window. I wanted something calm and sophisticated. I also wanted something on the masculine side. It is a pet peeve of mine when Master Bedrooms are decorated cutsey. How is a man supposed to sleep amidst pink flowers? So I chose what I thought was slate gray color for the walls but actually turned out more blue. And I upholstered a headboard. The headboard was so much work. Whenever I start these projects I always grossly under-estimate how much time they will take. I thought it would take like a day. Oh, no. More like 45 days. Whatever! It's done and I must say it feels so peaceful. I do need a pop of color and some stuff on the walls. See me about 45 more days and maybe that will done. At least it doesn't remotely resemble a stop light anymore!

Tufting this headboard took me hours and gave me blisters. Thanks to Tim's sister though I got a new technique half way through that made it go by much faster.

I sorta feel like I'm in a nice hotel when I look at my bed. Nothing is better than propping myself up in bed now for TV and reading.

Luke's First Swimming Lesson

Luke completed his first set of swimming lessons this week. He was really afraid of the water so I was worried about how they would go. But, like is almost always the case, kids are willing to do things for other adults that they aren't willing to do for their parents. Is that just my kids? He didn't put up a fuss or anything. Just did what they told him to. By the third day he was super excited to go and loved feeling like a big boy with "teachers." Luke is so funny. He never stops talking and one topic just flows to another. If you come in during the middle it is impossible to know what the heck he is talking about. His teachers found him very funny. One day we were a few minutes late and they had started the lesson and Luke came up and said, "Guys! You started without me?" Complete with foot out and hand on his hip. After that they held the lesson for him and would say, "Luke, we didn't start because we are waiting for you!" Smart teachers. Both Gage and Luke went off the diving board the last day and poor Luke was scared to death but he did it.

Luke bravely waiting for his turn on the diving board

My Girl Turned 1

Claire turned one year old on Tuesday. The boys were as excited for her birthday as they are for their own. Claire just has that effect on people. She can be enchanting. She is coy and adorable and we all love her. Tim and I agree that she gets cuter with each day that passes.

We had a small party to mark the occasion with Tim's Parents as well as mine and my sister. I think she liked her toys when she got a chance to play with them. Ahem, Gage. The boys helped me make and decorate her cake and we had a ton of fun together. I'm not really a cake person but this cake I made from scratch and it is Wright family favorite, Banana Cake. It was yummy. Claire didn't think too much of the cake but she loved the homemade cream cheese frosting!

While we were waiting for people to arrive Tim and I were getting Claire dressed and Tim stood her up and she was balancing on her own for a really long time and she kept looking back at Tim and then to me and then she just walked to me. Not your, I'm a drunk 1 year old walk, but an honest to goodness I know what I'm doing walk. We got some video of it later.





I am sitting here thinking about the day she was born and I just feel so blessed to have this little girl in my life. She is so special to us and completes our family. I always feel like the 1 year birthday marks that time when I feel like I'm going to survive having a child. I love babies. Really I do, but they can be trying. It is nice to have a year behind me and only remember all the wonderful things and think about all the wonderful things to come.

Claire's Thoughts in Pictures:

I want to go downstairs, why did you move me you horrible monster!

I am, I'm mad now.

Will you take me back if I look my cutest and cock my head to the side. Pleeeeeease!

No? I'm okay now. I'm looking cool hanging onto this chair. (She fell down the stairs the next day.)