Last Post of the Year....

With 2015 quickly coming to an end I have been looking back on my year and the word that stands out to me to define it is: faith.  I guess, if I had more words to sum it up I might say Trial of my Faith. Just as there have been dark moments there have been poignant moments of light.  When my faith in myself and in my God have wavered the gentle spirit of hope has spurred me on.  I really have seen the hand of God in the smallest details of my life.  For a long time I erroneously believed that if I tried my hardest to do the right things that life would be easy.  The words of my wise mother have come to my mind many times when she would say, "If it were easy it wouldn't be a test."  Life is not easy but it is meaningful if we know where to look.  I've learned that there is wonder in sunsets and snow covered mountains.  Peace in the kindness and smiles of a stranger.  Joy in a child's laughter. Contentment in old and dear friends.  

One of my favorite holiday movies is "It's a Wonderful Life." There really is so much good that one person can accomplish and when we lose our way and are unable to see our contributions it is in these moments that we need family and friends to show us ourselves again.  I sadly don't have many Christmas photos to share because I spent Christmas day sick and laying on the bathroom floor.  As I laid there I could hear my children's voices as they discovered their gifts and I loved hearing their excitement.  I realized that Grinch was right after all.  For me:  Christmas came without ribbons.  It came without tags.  It came without packages, boxes or bags.  What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.  What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.  So, this Christmas' photos will exist only in my mind and you know what?  That's ok.           

This year I have become interested in the people in my family who came before me.  The LDS church makes it so easy to share stories and information about ancestors.  I installed the Family Tree app on my phone and each time I get a push notification that a story has been added I feel a little rush.  As I have learned about their lives and their trials I am struck by the courage of their lives. Each of them have kept the faith in such difficult circumstances.  I know in my heart that one day I will stand with them on the other side and my desire is to be able to hold my head high,  I will not let them down and I cannot shrink in the face of adversity.  I know I can do it because they have done it. And that my friends, is faith.

P.S.  On a totally unrelated note.  Gage had his first band concert in December and he was 1st chair Trumpet and I'm so pleased with how far he has come with it.  He looked like a little man up there with his correct posture and everything.  In the beginning it was truly painful to listen to him practice however, slowly but surely he is beginning to make music!

 

  

Halloween 2015

Looking at these Halloween pictures makes me happy!  I loved the kid's costumes this year. 

I'm thankful for good friends to go trick or treating with and that Gage and Davis put up with a tag-a-long little brother and sister.  

This candy auction was a new experience.  The kids bargained and traded each other for candy that they didn't like to get something they liked.  I'm sorry to say that there may have been some very unfair trades and that some *cough* little ones were taken advantage of by savvy older boys.  Won't name any names to protect the innocent.   It was rather entertaining to watch.  

I love that Claire settled on just one look this year.  She was a beautiful Cleopatra or Claire-a-patra as we were calling her.  

I had a lot of fun making Luke's costume.  Tacky glue rules!  And, so thankful for my new sewing machine.  I loved Luke's confidence!  He definitely had the swag to be a Pharaoh.  I also loved that he and Claire matched.  What is it about moms and matching?  I hate myself for loving it so much.   

Gage would not hear of conforming to the Egyptian theme and not knowing how things roll at the middle school he chose to wear this understated Crazed Scientist Costume that could easily be removed and/or hidden.  As it was, I guess costumes in Middle School is a big affair.  

For trick-or-treating he wore this werewolf costume.  I thought he looked great but whoever did his makeup must have been super rushed and had no clue what she was doing.  Don't know who that could be.

Working Girl

In 2004 I became a mother and a full time one at that.  I still remember calling my boss after my maternity leave and saying I'm not coming back.  We were dirt poor,Tim was still in college, and I had no idea what to do with a baby all day.  The longer I did it though I had no idea how I had gone to work every day.  I love staying at home with my kids.  

With my baby girl starting full time school, no hope of another baby ever, I started to to stare down the eventuality of entire days by myself at home.  I knew I would feel crazy.  Tim and I were also working toward a financial goal and it made sense that I should get a small part time job.

A friend put in a good word for me at a local elementary school to be a Math aide.  Helping kids with math?  A nerd's dream!  It would be perfect.  I would have summers off and all the same holidays and hours as my kids.  The day before the interview I got the call from my doctor that the crappie way I felt actually had a diagnosis and that I had Celiac.  I was in despair.  I was crying.  I was relieved to finally know.  I also had an interview to prepare for.  I hadn't had an interview in over 13 years.  I was freaked.  I must report that I aced the interview and they offered me the job on the spot!  It was nice to know I still had it!  There was one hiccup though.  They wanted more hours than I originally thought, but it still seemed do-able.

After my first trip to the grocery store as a Celiac that took 4 hours as I painstakingly read every label and as the reality of life as a Celiac started to set in I began to realize that I could not perform the job and take care of myself or my kids.  I decided to turn the job down even though we still had this financial goal we wanted to meet so bad!

Then, a few days later while we were spending the 4th of July with Tim's family, Tim's sister, Jen, mentioned she was looking for help with a preschool that she runs out of her home.  She joked I could work with her.  After checking with her to make sure I wouldn't bug her and that it wouldn't be weird to work with her sis-in-law she hired me!  It is only 9 hours a week and it is perfect in every way.  I love seeing the kids evolve and learn and Jen is a super boss.  No summers.  School holidays.  My kids never know I'm gone.

Even though it is so few hours it is still a tad stressful.  The first time that I couldn't run back home to grab something Luke forgot because I had to get to work I will admit that I cried.  But it has been good for my kids to take more responsibility themselves and not take me for granted.  It's also been good for me.  I've learned that I shouldn't do things for my kids that they should do for themselves simply because I can.  I hope I'm growing productive adults.  Even if it does break my heart....just a little.  

So there you have it.  I'm a working girl again.              

Back to School

Back to School for the last couple of years has been pretty smooth sailing.  Same school, confidence on both my part and the kid's part.  Then this year!  Bam!  Stress all around.  Mostly for the mama. When I was a kid 6th grade was in the elementary school and I remember it being a great year.  In our school district however, 6th grade is in the middle school.  It really freaked me out to think of Gage with 14 year olds!  He was so excited though.  He couldn't wait to have seven different classes.  He was super excited about having a locker until it was nearly impossible to open!  I took him to the school the day before class started to have him find his way around and we had such a hard time opening his locker.  He was really starting to panic when one of the 6th grade teachers walked by and graciously talked to us and radioed for a custodian to come and grease it up for him.  I have come to believe that teachers are some of the most special people on earth.  

There was relief all around once he was able to open this blue beauty.  

The bus was also new for us.  He really didn't want me to come with him the first day but I claimed "mom's privilege" and went anyway.  The girl you can see in the picture is this adorable 7th grader that lives in our neighborhood.  She was so kind to Gage when we got to the stop that I could literally feel Gage relax.  I love her for it!  

He and I agreed that he would text me at lunch and tell him how he was doing.  I told him all he had to do was text me a number.  1 = I'm crying hysterically in the bathroom.  2 = Tears have been shed.  3 = I'm on the verge of tears.  4 = I'm sad.   5 = I'm ok.  6 = Normal Day.  7 = It's interesting.  8 = It's great.  9 = It's awesome.  10 = This is the best day of my life.  I fretted all day and checked my cell phone regularly and the child never texted.  Part of me was proud of him for dealing with it on his own and part of me was furious he didn't just let me know!  On the bus on the way home he texted me the number 8.  I was thrilled until I saw him and realized he had left his backpack on the bus; with his cell phone and all his school supplies inside.  I was dying.  We called the school but could not get through so we went to the school.  The bus driver had not turned it in and they said to check with him in the morning.  The next morning I walked with him to the bus stop and asked the kids if they had seen it.  All the kids reassured me that the driver would hold onto it for him.  Frank is nice that way they said.  All the kids started listing all the stuff they had left on the bus.  One girl said, "I left a shoe once and he had it for me the next morning."  A shoe?  How does that even happen?  One of the mom's looked at me and simply said, "Middle School Brain."  'Nuff said.  When the bus came, Frank did indeed have his backpack.  His stuff was all still inside.  Miracles happen everyday.       

So if having your oldest start middle school wasn't traumatizing enough by baby girl started 1st grade and went to school ALL day and had to eat lunch at school.  I love this picture because Sarge is freaking out in the front window and Claire was looking up at him saying goodbye.  Sarge has been sad and depressed since school started.  

Luke was my one stalwart.  Third grade.  He's got it.  Thank heaven!

The funny thing about this picture is Luke, being older, believes he is protecting his littler sister and will take care of her and walk her to the car for me.  Claire, thinking she is 35 years old and also Luke's mother, believes she is taking care of Luke.  It all works out as long as I don't tell the other what the other thinks!  

They had this weird "red carpet" for the kids to walk down.  Claire at this point was super annoyed with me for sticking around and was hopeful I would just leave already.  I love that she is confident!

Luke, my sensitive and loving one, was hoping I would stand with him.  I chose to stay with Claire since 1st grade seems like a big deal but looking back I probably should have bailed on her and gone with Luke.  

Parenthood is an adventure!

I am a Silly Act

So the last six months have led me to abuse one word.  That word is gluten.  I'm sick of saying it.  I'm sick of thinking about.   I'm sure my loved ones are sick of hearing it.  To put it plainly, gluten makes me sick on lots of levels.  Celiac disease runs in my family and I always knew it was a possibility that I had it.   Once you see a loved one suffer with how hard it is to be gluten free you go into defensive denial that any of your own symptoms could be caused by Celiac Disease.  This summer that denial had to end as I began to see my own declining health.

Lots of people, including me at one time, think that Celiac disease is a food allergy when in fact it is not.  Celiac is an auto-immune disease that is triggered by ingesting a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye.  Celieac disease affects more than digestion and we aren't talking about a tummy ache for those that suffer from it.  Since going gluten free I have begun to feel better and I am amazed to learn that so many health problems that I just assumed were normal for me are starting to subside.  While I'm thankful for an improvement in my health; going gluten free is in no way fun or easy.

Going gluten free is a trend diet right now but for those with Celiac this goes beyond a hope for weight loss. Food labeling sucks and there is no sneaking a bite here and there.  A crumb can cause a response.   Social and holiday gatherings center around one thing:  food.  Food has become nothing more that fuel for my body.  It brings me no joy anymore and frankly it is depressing.  Holidays and dinner time are now a ball of stress.  I spend more hours than I care to share hungry, planning meals, crying, and worrying.

Most of my worry centers around my children who have all tested positive for the disease. It brings a special kind of mommy guilt to think that I have passed down something so life altering to my kids. We haven't confirmed the diagnosis which also makes me feel like crap.  I seriously don't know what to do.  They appear healthy and confirming would mean exposing them to anesthesia so right now I find myself on the rocking chair of worry.  Always moving but never going anywhere.

 Meanwhile, this is me at the store....

       

Summer Games

When I started to write this post I intended to lament that we hadn't provided the kids with a good summer this year because we didn't go on vacation.  We were finishing up the remodel and I was having some health problems that kept us close to home.  Then when I started looking through the pictures I saw that we had a great and active summer.  We spent so much time together as a family and built some good memories.



This summer:

Summer started out swingin' with an Out of School Party at our house complete with night games and food!

I loved that 7 kids were invited and 18 showed up!  

News of free junk food travels fast!

Claire turned six and got a loft bed that I decorated with lights.  She loved it!

Gage also had a birthday and turned 11.  He shared his birthday with his cousin Brandon, who was visiting from Massachusetts, who shares his birthday.  Brandon turned 18.

Fireworks on your birthday has always been a favorite of Gage's.  It was special to spend the time with my Brother and his family.  We miss seeing them more often!

On the subject of Gage.  He had his first overnight scout camp this summer too.  He came home filthy and happy.  What more could a scout ask for?

What would summer be without water?  We spent countless hours at my dad's pool and the new Sandy splash pad.

Not to mention countless hours of watching Gage's swim meets.  He is getting really good!

My kitchen table was never clean because it always had a board game on it with several people around it.  The kids love playing with Tim.  Gage had a friend that spent almost the entire summer sitting at my table playing games.  Loved it!

Claire learned to ride a two-wheeler.

These two gave me a heart attack all summer doing tricks on their ride-ons in the middle of the road. 

We went to Logan with Grandpa Burt so he could show us all his old haunts from his college days at Utah State.  

Someone who will remain nameless ate too much ice cream at the creamery and had to lay on the grass.

Hiking has always been a favorite.  The mountains of Utah are some of the most beautiful places on this earth.

Luke especially loves to hike and he is sorely disappointed that we never made it out camping.  

Tim got to share one of his loves with the boys.  Mountain biking!

Sadly, I think we spent more time fixing Luke's bike chain than actually biking.


 

Our ride has goats.  That was unexpected.  They took an instant liking to us.  As well as the donkey.  (not pictured)

We visited the drive-in.  It was a candy heaven!

These three survived their first blood draw at primary children's hospital.  Sorry I passed on my bad genes guys!  Some people really shouldn't be able to pro-create!

We visited Sue's Farm with the Wright cousins and found that you can have fun outside without electronics.  Hee Hee. 

See, balloons are fun and so is hide and seek!

Dinosaurs were a big deal this summer.  The Jurassic World movie captured their imaginations. Ogden's dinosaur park was pretty sweet.  

We spent the 4th of July in Heber with Tim's sister.

In between it all was a lot of this.  Siblings who love each other and who will still take a walk around the block with their family.

And of course, a lot of home cooked meals in our new kitchen with help from Miss Claire.

Teleportation

Several months ago Luke was having trouble learning something and he was telling me that he isn't smart.  I was trying to reassure him that he was very smart.  Gage walked into the room and heard Luke say,

"I'm just not smart!"

Gage was incensed and said,

"Are you kidding me Luke?  For all you know, you could invent teleportation!"

Gage said it with such confidence and then a second later he had left the room.

We all could use someone who believes in us enough to think we could invent teleportation.