All I Can Say Is, "Wow"

I hardly know where to begin this post. This week has been one of the more stressful weeks that I can remember. It may even top my finals week in college while I was working 40 + hours at GE and trying to ace 4 finals. The first wow moment came, in the car, when Gage asked how Dad's help make the baby. Tim is very shy when it comes to talking about sexuality and he was driving, so my first responsibility was to make sure that he didn't wreck the car or wreck the moment with his nervous giggling. I was prepared for this moment and I told it like it is. Gage said, "oh" and changed the subject. So what we know so far is that Dad's have a special thing called sperm and Mom's have an egg and when they meet they make a baby. Thank heaven he didn't ask how the two meet up cause maybe I would have started the nervous giggling. Please Tim cut it out.

The second wow moment was this whole deal with the economy. I've felt rather doomsdayish about the state of affairs for awhile and I feel like my worst fears are coming to fruition. I think people in general don't grasp the interconnectedness of our economy and how a few banks failing will affect us all. I feel like the bailout is like putting a tiny weeny band-aid on a huge hemorrhage at the cost of free markets. Scares the crap outta me and we all know I'm prone to worry. I think it scares me so much because I see inevitable hard times ahead and I want to make sure that I'm prepared....mentally and physically. Much of the week has been spent on the phone with my brother, also prone to worry, asking him what to do with our stocks and 401K. I just feel jittery. We knew we weren't going to use that money until retirement but it is still a great deal of money to see go down the tubes. I've been channelling my worry into food storage and budgets (a nerd's mothership) and I feel we've made good strides in both. I urge you to do the same. Okay...I'll get off my soap box now.

Today we took the kids to the Children's Museum. We have never been there and it is really an awesome place. It was so fun watching the kids learning and having fun and it was fun for me to watch Tim discover what it's like in mommy world. He stuck out like a sore thumb...especially amongst the nursing moms letting it all hang out. A place like the Children's Museum really highlights the difference between Gage and Luke and it is like a social experiment for me to watch. There was a huge school class there so there were a lot of elementary aged kids there. While Gage was timid and even intimidated Luke was aggressive and free spirited. Gage thinks about everything before he does anything and Luke experiences life as it comes. Gage was more prone to wait for a turn while Luke had no qualms about exerting himself against older kids for a turn. It just fascinates me that they are brothers and yet so different. Gage walked so late and didn't attempt it until he could do it perfectly...he hardly ever fell. While Luke on the other hand walked on time but always tried to go farther than he could skill wise and fell constantly and was so determined he just got up and tried again. They are such unique and special spirits and it makes me contemplate the eternal nature of our spirits and makes me wonder how they will tackle the challenges of this life and how I hope they succeed. Well I think a covered a range of topics today...my work is done.

Growing Up

This week Luke exchanged his string of gibberish for actual words that I can understand. Instead of #@!&*% , he says, "Daddy is here" The language transformation never ceases to amaze me. I think he learns a new word each day. Most alarming though are two words that can and will drive parents everywhere nuts. The first is "Watch!" My nephew Braden was in a watch phase when I stayed with his family for about a month before I was married. Everything he did needed to be watched by his Aunt Kia and I heard "Watch me!" roughly 5000 times before I went home. It was fun to be in such demand but I went home after a month. The second word is "Why?" I think he is too young to use this annoying word but nevertheless if he asks for the keys, his obsession that he will rummage through any purse to retrieve, and the answer is no he will instantly ask, "Why?" He uses the most forlorn voice that is really cute but I know that Why this and Why that has driven some parents crazy. Gage never went through the why phase so this is new territory. Luke has also started informing us when he has gone poop and we all know this is the first stage to potty training and I'm too excited at the thought of Luke potty training early and being done with the diaper thing. Keeping the fingers crossed.

Gage got chores over the summer. Easy ones like making the bed, cleaning his room, and taking out the bathroom trash. Before having to do it himself his room would be mounds and mounds of toys and clothes by the end of the day. But since I've started making him clean his room on his own he has made more of an effort to put toys away and keep his floor clean. I'm really stingy too because I insist that toys be put in their proper place and Gage is getting really good at this. This morning when we woke up Gage came and told me to look at his room and said I was going to be proud. His room was spotless and he informed me he had cleaned while Luke, Dad, and I were sleeping. Proud indeed.

A Post That Wouldn't Be if Rachel Had Answered Her Cell Phone

I know that blogs are usually dedicated to the positive aspects of motherhood, or in some cases, the perfection of your motherhood that you want others to believe. This will not be one of those posts. In fact, the following post, in perfect mommy blogs, will be akin to when someone bears their testimony about the vision they had last night and you can feel people's discomfiture. I have the mommy blues and today I feel like a horrible mother and that maybe I made a mistake having children. Today was bad from the beginning and when I left the house in a hurry to cry alone in the car I really wish my sister would have answered her cell phone but I think she was at church so that's good. Let me get this out of the way, so I don't further solidify that I'm a horrible person, that I think motherhood is great. Specifically being a mom to Gage and Luke is great but today I felt the full weight of motherhood being a thankless job. I felt myself screaming inside, "why do I do all these things for my children if they aren't even appreciating it...if they prefer their father over me!" That is probably the crux of my complaints to today. The straw that broke the camel's back, and sent me into my cry car, was Gage hurt himself this morning and he will not let me even touch him but he is crying for his father. Gage started preferring Tim over me when I was pregnant with Luke and he goes on and off through stages where he treats me like dirt and I really feel like dirt. Tim is sweet of course and tries to tell Gage that he has hurt my feelings but somehow that makes it worse. I guess it hurts my pride. Luke is probably 50/50 on who he prefers but I can see that like his brother he is starting to be drawn to his father. I guess that is just how it is....little boys are drawn to their fathers. I can understand that. But it makes me feel like I have no place. Oh, yes I do. I make the meals, do the laundry, (which I've had a lot of because Gage suddenly started peeing the bed which is driving me nuts) clean the house, and drive people where they need to be. I feel like I'm a pretty cool mom, I mean I hide in clothes racks to hide from pretend storm troopers, but it seems like it doesn't matter. I feel like I did as a little girl wanting to be with my brothers and only being a part of things because they suffered me to be so not because I was part of the group. I'm living in the good old boys club and for today it makes me feel miserable, dispensable, expendable and any other sad word ending in "able."

A 3 - Week Tour

Tim's project at work ended officially last week and Tim got his comp time. Comp time is when the studio gives paid time off to make up for the abuse and overtime they have put the artists and programmers through to get the project completed and it is very common in the video game industry. I thought, "Yea! A whole week off will be great." Only to find out that they were getting 3 weeks off. Everyone thinks that we should go on vacation and for one day we dreamed of throwing caution to the wind and going to Disneyland but our practical natures won out. With no notice of when the comp time would be it made it hard to plan any sort of vacation because we had some commitments that we didn't feel like we could get out of. So we are currently enjoying a 3 week vacation at home.

The kids have loved having Tim at home and despite my claim that Tim is driving me nuts I'm really enjoying the time with him. It's been nice to see Tim discover what goes on around here while he sits at work surrounded by Star Wars figures. Oops. I'm not supposed to tell you he has Star Wars figures at work. That's considered normal where he works. By Wednesday Tim was complaining that his back hurt and said, "I never realized that taking care of these boys was so hard on your back." See Tim had been thinking that my failure to lift them with my knees was causing my back pain and if only I would heed his dozens of lectures on the merits of lifting with my knees that my back wouldn't hurt. He discovered that I do lift with my knees but all the millions of other tasks that you do for your 3 foot nothing kids takes it toll as well. Smell that? That is the smell of vengeance.

We haven't been doing anything big but I've decided it does matter as long as you are together. The park is so much more fun if Dad and Mom are racing you down the hill and going to ward things as part of a couple is fun for me and was not seen all summer. Wednesday we checked out the Dinosaur Museum and the timing was perfect because Gage's "best friend" likes dinosaurs and has been introducing him to things besides the regular weapon obsession of late. Thursday we went to Wheeler Farm. I haven't been there since I was 6 or 7. The kids had such a good time. Luke loves to "moo" like a cow and this really ornery bull mooed at us and it made Luke's day. I don't know if I'm just this dumb or if I was overcome by some inner Snow White complex but when we were feeding the ducks I had this grand idea to see if one of the geese would eat out of my hand. I'm sure you can see where this story is going. Yep. It bit me. Yep. I screamed. Yep. People stared. Yep. I made a fool of myself....again. My only excuse was that I think if I had tried to feed any other goose that it would have been fine but I chose the really mean goose that kept biting the other geese in the butt. Oh, that also made me yelp because I thought my butt was next. Friday we had lunch at Hires which I don't recommend with a child that needs a high chair. That place is so cramped. It felt all the smaller when I realized that the guy at the next table, looking at me, was an old crush from college and no matter how many times I tried to hide behind Tim he would move and expose me again. Not to mention I decided to get an Avocado H instead of just the Big H and it was sicky. Whew...just two more weeks to go.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the spectacular goal Gage made today at his soccer game that he made through another kid's legs. When everyone was cheering you should have seen the look on Gage's face. It was priceless.

Rachel's Visit

My sweet nieces and my sister were here last week from Oregon. I was super crappy about remembering my camera and so this is the only evidence I have of their visit. Gage and Luke were in 7th heaven having two older girls to play with. They had more light saber duels than Gage could ever ask for. My personal favorite was when they tried to make grape juice in our backyard but couldn't figure out how to mash the grapes. I believe this was Bee's brain-child. We miss you already.

To Save or Not to Save

As mentioned below Gage started school yesterday and it has left me in a quandary of sorts. For his first year of preschool I saved every paper, every art project, every letter to me, and every note from his teacher in a folder. The folder is chuck full. With a new school year I don't have space for one more piece of construction paper in the folder. Do I save this stuff or get rid of it? He's a boy...which means he'll be a man and they don't care about this stuff right? Will I care about it in 20 years? I'll need a storage facility the size of Fort Knox to house all the paper with glued on beans and pasta if I save for Gage and Luke. I don't even have a proper place for my vacuum. Like I said a quandary.

Back to School

Gage started his second year of preschool yesterday. What a difference a year makes. Last year I was so nervous for him to go and this year I couldn't wait for it to start. I know I'll still miss him but it was time for a change and he loves to learn and I love to have him engaged so he isn't so bored at home. The night before, Tim gave him a father's blessing which I think is a great tradition and I loved when my dad gave me one before school growing up. I was impressed with how serious Gage takes the priesthood and I'm glad that he has such a good example in his father. Luke thought he shouldn't be left out so he scooted up to the chair when Gage was done and folded his arms. He didn't sit quite as long as Gage and we were all kind of giggling as Tim rushed to say "amen" before Luke fell off the chair.

I know this is pathetic but the hardest part for me was to get up and showered before we had to leave at 9:15 am. The hardest part for Gage was waiting for 9:15 am. At 7:00 am Gage woke us up saying, "I'm so exciged (gage's accent) for school today!" He wouldn't touch his breakfast and was dressed and sitting on the couch at 8:00 am. He hates taking pictures so I was lucky to get a few taken before we left. When we got to school Gage didn't seem nervous at all and just marched inside to a teacher he has never met and knowing only one other student. I was shouting at the door to get him to even notice that I was leaving. There are only two girls in his class and the rest are boys so he was beside himself with joy over which boy to play with. When I picked him up he was talking up a storm to one boy who looked rather confused at the rapid fire questions Gage was asking. They had made a float for the teddy bear they brought to class and he was very proud of it. Three of the boys from his class are also on his soccer team this year and they had their first practice last night. Gage's uncle, Rich, is the coach and Tim was his assistant. I could not believe how much Gage's soccer skills improved in just one practice. All through his games in the summer he was just running willy nilly. Clueless you might say. But at practice he stopped the ball and turned it around to go to the right goal. Tim was a proud papa. One bad thing was that Gage saw Tim head butting the ball and thought that he should head butt us the rest of the night. I love the change of fall. I can feel it in the air and I love new clothes, school supplies, and a new schedule and that Halloween is just around the corner.

Just Call Me a Cat

While growing up I scorned a lot of things. Not the least of which was country music and anything domestic. I learned to sew in Junior High only because they make you take the class. I use the term "learn to sew" very lightly because as an accomplished whiner I have the ability to make people feel sorry for me and do things for me that I should do for myself. So, believe it or not I got through my sewing class with my teacher doing all my pinning and practically sewing the jacket I took away from the class. That was the last time I touched a sewing machine. I didn't like to cook. I didn't know how to grow anything except mold which grew in abundance in our refrigerator in our student housing apartment. Canning was something your grandmother did and I am no grandma. There was no reason to make my own bread because that was what Albertson's was for. Lastly, scrapbooking....that was something I whined my way to get my sister to do and when she moved I got my husband to help. Sure I helped and told them what to do and mocked them severely when something doesn't turn out but I don't do it myself. Then something happened and to be honest I'm still trying to figure out how I became a domesticated house cat.

The first to go was my scorn for country music. My dad is a cowboy and I was raised on the likes of Johnny Cash, Willie Nielsen, Kenny Rogers, and any other musician with a lost horse, unfaithful woman, and a warble. In college I started liking country music because cute boys can country dance and before I knew it I was singing Willie Nielsen in my car with Gage and Luke in the backseat thinking what the crap just happened?

Next, I wanted to grow a garden. Both my grandma's survived the depression and can make anything grow. They both had glorious gardens while I was growing up but I never thought I would grow one. Again, Albertson's has all the produce I would need right? Wrong again. I grew my first garden this year and I'm bursting with pride for it. I removed all the grass by myself and with Tim's help tilling it I have these huge plants! I guess gardening gets passed in the genes as well. Which means I have a ton of zucchini, tomatoes, and pumpkins. All this produce leads to canning and I'm actually excited to do it and I don't have too many gray hairs to speak of and there are no Depends anywhere in this house. I grated zucchini to freeze this morning and thought how wonderful it will be to make zucchini bread in the dead of winter with zucchini grown from my very own garden. Seriously, what happened to me?

This gives you the prespective for how big our plants are.

Beautiful fruit

Lastly, I've had this yearning lately to learn to sew...for real this time. I tried to get my brother to sell me his wife's sewing machine, because she doesn't like to sew, but he discovered that he likes to sew and became my third sister so that was a no go. My mom said I could have her old sewing machine but could never find it. So for the last year or so I've had all the desire but no machine to learn on and too cheap to buy a new one. Then by a stroke of genius I decided to check out the DI and I found one for $25. Some of the parts were in their original packaging and even though it was an older model it looked good so I decided to take the risk. When I got it home the wheel wasn't driving the needle but thanks to Tim's tinkering and a really weird guy at The Sewing Company, Tim was able to replace the wheel for $14 and I now have a working sewing machine! Side note on my thriftiness. I found the same sewing machine on Craig's list for $379 so on top of all my other newly acquired domestic abilities I am thrifty too. The trick will be me disciplining myself so I don't get my mother-in-law do it all the pinning for me. The only thing that is NOT going to change is scrapbooking. I hate it and I vow to never do it. Especially since I can't cut straight. Other than that...I guess you don't have to wear dentures to like this domestic stuff. Who knew?