Un-Birthdays and Un-Hinged Moms

It's been awhile since I've blogged about my eldest so in the spirit of fairness I thought I'd do a post on my Gage. This week he had his "un-birthday" at preschool. He was so excited about it and on Monday I showed him on the calendar that he had to wait until Thursday, which is roughly an eternity for a kid, and he faithfully counted the blocks on the calendar all week. By 11:50 am on Thursday morning Gage was dressed, had his backpack, had gone to the bathroom and washed his hands without me asking (a modern day miracle) and was standing by the door to leave. The only problem was that we don't have to leave until 12:17 pm!

When I dropped him off I was invited to stay and help and I was excited because I've never seen preschool-Gage. Gage was Miss Denise's special helper and he got to sit in front with her and wear a birthday crown while the kids told him things they liked about him. I think that I'm going to be in trouble when Gage reaches adolescence because I couldn't help but notice that all the girls rushed to raise their hands to say nice things about him. Mara, she's had a crush all year I think, said, "I like him because he will play with me!" Annie, my favorite because she told me I had pretty hair, said, "I like him because he will go on picnics with me!" Three other girls said they liked him because he plays light saber duels with them. His two buddies, Sam and Jacob said they liked him because he played horses (no clue what that is) and Davis (Gage's rival in all things Star Wars and Spider man) liked to tackle with him. It was all really cute and as a lame-o mom I was happy to hear he is well liked.

I read Peter Pan (Gage got to bring his favorite book) to the class and it was so fun to see their eyes get big when I made a loud snapping noise for the crocodile and used my best Captain Hook voice complete with a hooked hand. I brought Gage's favorite treat, popcorn, to share and I loved listening to his conversations with his friends. It was a lot of fun and it made him feel really special.

Now that the sweet stuff is over I have a few gripes! Sometimes I don't get other moms and their desire to have everything about them and their children perfect. I probably hate is so much because it makes me feel like I have to compete or like I'm a bad mom because I don't feel the need for perfection. Ahead of time Gage's teacher had given him a birthday poster to color at home. It had some questions on it, you can imagine the type, that obviously I needed to write the answer to but then I had him color it himself. There was a spot that I thought needed a picture of him and our family but when I went to get some snapshots to glue on it Gage said he wanted to draw our pictures. At the end, the poster looked like, well like a 3 year old had colored it and I thought it looked fine...great in fact...that's the point right? I already know how to color...no need for me to color it...right? Wrong. When the teacher walked me over to hang it up with all the other children's posters the only thing I felt was utter shock. Apparently, the other moms thought these posters were a great opportunity to show case their scrapbooking skills! These posters were not small but every inch of the other's posters were hand colored, we are talking outlined in dark and getting lighter into the center, do dadds glued to them, and black and white photos. Is it just me or is this a bit of overkill? For one second I felt really bad about our poster but then I realized that they don't love their kids any more than I do and that really it is a sad thing that their need for perfection robbed their child of the chance of doing it themselves and being proud of their own work. Feel free to call me on the carpet for trying to make myself feel better. If this makes these other mom's happy then more power to them but if it truly is making them happy, then why is Utah consuming Prozac at twice the national rate? I'm just saying.

Talents

Sometimes I feel like I have no talents. I'm sure none of you feel this way because when I look at you, you all can do so much. If talking is a talent then it is my only one because I like to talk...whether others like to listen is up for debate! Actually, I talk too much and I can't seem to regulate the hyperdrive speed that things travel from my mind to my mouth and that can be a problem. Anyway, I've always wanted to take good photographs. I have never applied myself to this, it is just one of those things sitting out there. So a couple of months ago I caught this special moment between the boys in the car. The pic is cute but the angle is pretty screwy.

Tim has shown me what Photoshop can do so, all by myself, I cropped it, changed it to black and white, and blacked out the background.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I think it is frameable. I'm showing true courage here because my bro-in-law, who looks at this blog, is a full fledged photographer and he will scoff and my pathetic atempt. But I don't care it is going on the wall. Look at those fat fingers.

Smiles Are Always Free?!?!

I was on my way to Wal-mart (a place that causes me to think that human kind is doomed) and this really heavy rock song came on the radio so I quickly pushed the CD button and I happened to have a Mo Tab CD in and they were singing one of my most favorite hymns Abide with Me Tis Even-tide. I truly love that hymn because it feels like a whispered prayer of someone asking the savior to stay with them. As I stopped at the light there was this guy on the side walk in a wheelchair with a cardboard sign that said, "Smiles are always free." I assumed he was a panhandler so I immediately glued my eyes to the car in front of me. I tend to be rather cynical about that sort of thing. I mean, I watch Dateline and they say those people who beg money have nice cars and live in nice homes and that he probably doesn't even need the wheelchair. It was an undercover show. Then I had this intense prickle of guilt, I was listening to a hymn for heaven's sake, and I started thinking about his sign. Is the world so cold and friendless that this guy has to ask for smiles on the side of the road or is he just asking for people to recognize his existence? It was a long light, I'll tell you, while this battle rage inside me. Just when I was ready to park in the 7-11 parking lot and go talk to him my cynical voice would say that guy is a total mockery and he is just trying to make you feel guilty so he can have a gravy train. I looked around at all the cars stopped and not one of them was looking or even noticing this guy. I came to the conclusion that even if this guy wheels his fake wheelchair to a BMW and drives to his estate somewhere that he is truly a lost individual and that it doesn't really matter because he is desperate enough for money or for whatever to sit on the side of the road with this sign. So I decided that indeed smiles are free and I caught his eye and flashed my pearly whites. He looked surprised and then the light turned green. When I told Tim the story later he thought the sign meant, "Give me all your money because Smiles are free and I can get those anywhere!" LOL. Like I am wont to do I'm sure I misread the entire situation.

Meet The Yellow Pudges

Tim and I really like the Simpsons. I threw up in our Simpsons Garbage Can on the way to the hospital with Luke. Tim is a skinny Homer. He truly drools over donuts and his eyes glaze over at the site of good food. If you've seen the episode where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball then you know what a "Homer Gift" is and Tim gave me one of the worst "Homer Gifts" while we were dating. So, Tim found this website where you upload a pic of yourself and it creates a pic of what you would look like on the Simpsons. Thanks to Tim's mad Photoshop skills he put us in a family photo. I think we look pretty good...We're going to use it for our Christmas cards this year.

Bean Dealer

It's all about beans at our house. I started a positive reinforcement campaign with Gage (my newly naughty boy) called "Magic Obedient Beans". Everytime Gage is good he gets to put a pinto bean in the super cool (really quite ugly) jar I made. Likewise, everytime Gage is bad I take one out. Once he has 20 we get to go the "bean store" and the magic part happens when he gets to pick any toy and pay for it with the beans. The chick at the ToysRUs was like 17 and was not getting the whole concept...come on girl...do you see my debit card...I realize pinto beans aren't currency. So far it has been working really really well. So the other day we were headed to the "bean store" and Tim was teasing Gage and said, "Mom did you bring my beans? I want something from the bean store." When I told Tim I'd forgotten his beans he asked what he gets when he is good. Gage piped up from the backseat, "Dad, you don't get beans when you are good...you get promotions!" Way to go Timmy T!

Cuz When You're Cool the Sun Shines on You 24 Hours A Day

My fear that Luke was going to be a gimp has been abated. This weekend he suddenly decided to take off walking. It started at playgroup on Friday morning. He started walking longer distances to get to me and by Friday night he started walking around the room. Since then he is walking all over the house and he is very pleased with himself. Since everything at our house has turned into a competition I hate to inform Gage that, despite the fact he can get his PJs on faster, Luke walked a full month before he did!

Here is a video of Cool Hand Luke!

I Would Like to Mail This Please

I went to the post office today. Since my family members are leaving the state at an alarming rate I've been doing that a lot lately and it never fails to be an illuminating experience of inefficiency. Allow me to set the scene for you. When I walked in the door the line was past it. Gage was dressed like Spiderman with winter boots on and Luke was thankfully strapped in the stroller. Gage was saying, he hates errands and I was threatening him that if he ran away he would be in big trouble. The guy behind me was alternating between breathing down my neck and telling Gage to stop sucking on the blinds tassel. (he was apparently calling the Green Goblin) Gage was openly defying the man in the nice suit (and me for that matter) in favor of flirting with a lady ahead of me in line and showing her how to throw webs. I got out my binoculars and saw a sea of "This Window is Closed" signs. The two slack jawed people who I can only assume were postal workers were talking and moving so slow that I feel positive they shared a brain and could only move when the other one was still. In the 15 minutes I stood in line they helped a total of 2 people. Not each...I mean between 2 workers 2 customers were served. Now I get it that the mail never sleeps but can it be that complicated to slap some tape on a box and put it in the right bin? With at least 8 people in line waiting they decide this is a great time to take a break and one puts up his "This Window is Closed" sign!?!? Thankfully the lady I like, because she actually works and is very friendly, came back on shift (I'm telling you I go a lot and she knows me) and she helped 3 people in the same time it took Zippy the Wonder Slug to help one person. But what do you do? This is a classic example of gross government inefficiency.

Now I ask you are these the people you want running your healthcare? Nothing could be more retarded and costly than when the government gets involved. This one trip to the post office is my prime evidence against universal healthcare being touted by the liberal left. As opposed to the liberal right..i.e. John McCain. I am disgusted with Healthcare and I think the system is completely and utterly broken but I'll take what we've got over socialized medicine any day! Under universal healthcare everyone will be covered....it will be totally crappy but everyone will have it and won't that be great because we know that misery loves company.