I've come to the conclusion that the first kid is pretty much a trial run. It really explains my oldest sister...just kidding Pam I love you! I feel really bad for Gage that I'm behind the curve and still figuring out how to be a mother. Some days it feels like my mistakes stare me in the face and shout "Ha Ha" in a Nielsen voice from the Simpson's. For example, Gage got this horrible stomach flu when he was about Luke's age. It was awful and it hit during the holidays and it ended with me crying in some stupid Wal-Mart manager's face on Christmas Eve begging him to let me run in and buy some diapers for my baby who had diarrhea like every 10 minutes. He didn't let me in, so much for peace on earth goodwill to men. Anyway, so after that we became militant on hand washing and hand sanitation. I can see now that we took that way too far as I'm sure all of you already know when you see me show up at play group with my jumbo size hand sanitizer! I cringe every time Gage says he thinks he needs his hands sanitized. That is a big "Ha Ha moment." Also, I've been guilty and I won't call him out publicly but someone else whose name starts with a T has also been guilty of the "don't do this you might fall!" statement. This I trace back to the fact that Gage has always been very big for his age and really clumsy but I should have let him fall more. I'm giving all these excuses so you'll have a context for my bizarre behavior yesterday.
I took the kids to the park and Gage didn't really want to play because there were no other kids there. Then all these other kids show up and Gage is just standing there. So I go over and say, "What are you doing?" and he says, "I want to watch these other kids play!?!?" By this time Nielsen is screaming in my ear and I say, "I don't think so! You are not going to watch you are going to play!" He is so obedient, bless his heart, so he starts playing but he won't go down any slides except for the one for babies and all the moms with babies were giving me the hairy eyeball because Gage (who is big enough to be about 5) is going down this minuscule slide. I suggest to Gage that he should go down the big slide and he says OK but when he got to the top he had a full out melt down saying, "I'm a little bit scared!" I stayed really calm and told him it was OK to be scared but he still had to do it. This dialogue went on for what felt like eternity while all the other moms are staring at us and I'm saying in my head, "I've totally screwed this kid up...look he is afraid he is going to fall because for more than half his life his mother has said don't do that you're going to fall!" So for better or for worse I climbed up there, while holding Luke which was seriously a hazard, and I hung on Gage's arms (he's a strong sucker when motivated) until he let go of his Kung Foo grip and I shoved him down the slide. I wish I could say I only did this once but I told him he had to do it until he wasn't scared anymore. He went down probably 6 or 7 more times and he was never laughing at the bottom of the slide like I had hoped.
So here I was trying to correct one mistake and I fear I created a much bigger one that he will tell some therapist about later. I swear I'm a psycho. I just have spent a lot of my life scared of stupid things and I didn't want the same fate for him...maybe someone should have shoved me down the slide a few times. So I'm pretty much crossing my fingers that I don't screw him up too bad and I hope that when he reads this post later in life he realizes that my wee heart broke when I shoved him down the slide but I did that, not because I wanted to, but because I love him and I'm trying so hard to get it right!
Like they say it is always darkest before the dawn and I found that to be true later in the day. Sometimes that is all that gets me through tough times is thinking about how sweet the good times taste. Granted that nothing could probably be worse than Slidegate 2008 but nothing could be better than FHE last night that was so wonderful that I felt the spirit and everything. I bought the New and Old Testament picture scriptures so we could start reading to get to the Easter story by Easter and Gage was so interested that he sat quietly and snuggled me while I read about 7 chapters. He even sat still and listened intently while I told him my testimony and I realized that he has one too when he said, "Jesus died and came back to life." We went on a walk after the lesson and Gage rode his bike (something he never used to want to do...probably because he thought he was going to fall!) and peddled all the way down our street. I hope no one noticed my crossed fingers!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I'm Just Crossing My Fingers
Posted by Jess at 12:58 PM
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5 comments:
Jess- You are so funny I can hear you in my head like you are sitting right next to me. I miss being able to talk to you face to face. I think we get better and better at this whole parenting thing with each kid.
I will never forget Chris taking lexus over to the park where there were tennis courts to teach her how to ride a bike with two wheels. She is screaming and crying at Chris telling him "I can't do it" and he is yelling at her to say "I can do it" while running along side her and having everyone in the park stare at them. I just wanted to hide. Chris said she would never let go of her fear if she didn't just do it until she felt comfortable. I thought he was being to hard on her and should treat her with kid gloves and he said no way. She now can ride a bike without training wheels and was taught a valuable lesson. Believe in yourself and always say "I can do this." We always find the more you allow them to experience at a young age the more confident they become in themselves later on.
R-
I want to assure you that Gage is not afraid because of what you say to him. I tell Mason all day long, "careful you're going to fall," and he is the exact opposite. He does it anyway, does fall, and isn't scared. Gage is Gage. On the other hand I am now on the other side of this worrying about Mason not sitting for 7 chapters in the scriptures. Picture scriptures or not, that would not be happening in my house!
I am sure that we are screwing them up, but probably not as much as we think. My sister in law is getting her PHD in psychology and she assures me that it takes a lot to really screw a kid up! I make her reassure me on a weekly basis. Phew!
By the way, I think you are a fantastic Mom and your kids are simply lovely! :)
You should let him eat dinner after playing outside and going to the bathroom without washing his hands (#1 not #2). He will be healthy as a horse.
Any time I-man won't do something I do it. I don't just do it. I do it as goofy as possible. Then he can't resist.
You could also try saying "a jedi your age would go down the big slide".
Aren't we all screwed up in one way or another?? Look at my kids, most of them can't stand to be dirty(obviously not Brynn) and I know it is my OCD!!
I had an almost identical experience on the big slide at Liberty Park with Eason. He was crying, but I made him keep going down. Now he isn't scared anymore.
I was the same way with his new 2 wheeler. It is bigger than his last one, and when he tried to ride it he fell off. He said he wouldn't ride it, that it was too hard. I told him if he didn't I would take it back to the store, and he wouldn't have any bike to ride until he was an adult and could buy his own. So, crying, he got back on. Our neighbor across the street saw the whole thing, and I'm sure was tempted to call child services on me. But, now he rides it like a pro! So, I think you did just right.... or we'll both end up in parent hell!!!
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