Christmas 2009

My overarching emotion when Christmas finally arrived this year was relief. It felt like I barely got everything done that absolutely needed to be done and my list of "just didn't have time/desire/energy" grew daily. All I truly wanted for Christmas was for the boys to enjoy it and not complain that their brother got something cooler than them or to fight over their toys. I am happy to report that I got that wish! The boys were totally content and played all day blissfully with each other and I was thrilled.

I had a difficult time catching the spirit of the season this year. Frankly, I felt icky about the whole thing. Tim worked way too much all month and our traditions went to the crapper I'm afraid. I think I've been guilty of taking my spouse for granted. He really is my partner, my best friend. Since I've had Claire I feel like I need another team-mate more than ever because we are out-numbered and when he is gone I'm playing zone defense. I didn't realize until he was gone so much that I probably don't communicate enough of my appreciation for him. When he is gone it is like a black-hole sitting in the living room. We had no shopping trips together where we conspired about what each child would like the best. We didn't plan any surprises. We didn't hide the gifts together and devise a plan to keep the kids away. We didn't see the lights at temple square. We didn't read a scripture a night or enjoy the warm fuzzy of a Christmas story. We didn't deliver the neighbor gifts together and drink hot chocolate afterward. The magic of Christmas is most serene when seen in the eyes of your child. I saw the magic so many times but I found myself looking over Gage's or Luke's head searching for a pair of hazel eyes as if to say, "did you catch that?" but I found only the wall and it made me sad inside.

Christmas Eve came and my mom commented that Tim and I both looked like we'd been pulled through a knot backwards which is Burt talk for, "you look really tired." We did have a great eve with my parents and Pammy. We had a great dinner and Dad read the Twas the Night Before Christmas and delivered his famous line, "I bet that hurt!" after the part in the story where it says, "I threw-up the sash." Pam looked properly annoyed. Tim read the scriptures and I finally got to watch Mr. Kruger's Christmas. Gage spread out some reindeer food he had made at school and told me if it was gone in the morning that THEN he would believe in Santa. I feel pretty sure the gig is up with him on the Santa front and I'm sure I screwed something up for him not to believe at such a young age. Gage wrote a copious note to Santa outlining all that he wanted and he took it upon himself to write one for Claire. She apparently wanted bottles of formula. The boys were so tired they actually went to sleep and Tim and I started wrapping since I hadn't wrapped anything yet. 2 hours later we finally made it to bed ourselves! Christmas morning was great and we spent the whole day in our PJ's which Gage loves because he hates getting dressed and I love it even more because I don't have to dress any child who doesn't want to be dressed!

For a Family Home Evening, early in December, we made snowflakes and wrote on them the gifts we were going to give the Christ Child, then we put them onto the Christmas tree. We talked about the only gift we can give Jesus is our behavior.

Luke gave the gift of sharing

Gage gave the gift of obedience and sharing

Tim gave the gift of being more thoughtful and reading his scriptures

I have the gift of not yelling at the kids, reading my scriptures, and praying daily